In the Game

Years ago, when I was still in my mid-twenties, I wanted to die.

The train from Innsbruck to Venice

I was working at a job I hated, but it was worse than that. It was a job I'd been groomed for by my dad who, along with my mother, wanted nothing more than to see me take over their family construction business.

When I say I had been groomed for the business, I mean, I was five years old when my dad brought me on to my first construction site and had me hold the end of a tape measure while he calculated the dimensions of a building foundation he and his crew would be pouring the following day. By the time I was fourteen, I'd already been working as a laborer and even experienced my first serious accident when I stepped on a nail that was sticking up out of floor-board and I, being the newly crucified, was sent to the hospital for nail extraction and a series of tetanus shots (I would later fictionalize this incident in THE CONCRETE PEARL).

When my early twenties rolled around, and I'd graduated college, I knew I wanted to be a writer, but instead I did "the right thing," and entered into my dad's business.

I hated it.

By then, I'd graduated to project manager status which meant my job was putting out fires all day inside a four-walled office, day in and day out. I used to sit at my desk and make notes about the stories I wanted to write, and the exotic places I wanted to visit, and the people I would meet along the way. I wanted adventure, not an office job and a home in the burbs.

In Moscow working for RT...a far cry from the construction business

My reading stand was full of novels by Hemingway and when I'd read all the novels, I started on all the biographies that detailed his prodigious life, and how he managed to become the best of the best.
He did it by entering into the game in the most humble way possible. He worked on the Kansas City Star as a cub reporter.

I remember the first time I read about how Papa began his career. I sat back in my chair at the construction company, and I thought, Damnit, that's what I'm going to do, since obviously no one is going to do it for me. So I went to work for the local Times Union Newspaper on the weekends, writing sports stories as a stringer. I also started freelancing pieces for them. Pieces on fly fishing and bird hunting, and other human interest stories. I saw my first byline and I nearly wept. When the fifty dollars per story checks began arriving in the mail, I felt even more exhilarated because I was no longer a wanna-be. I was a professional. It was a magical time, but also one of great tension.

I was still very young, and still tied to my family job, and even newly married. My dad wasn't too happy about my new passion, and even seemed confused if not hurt by it. After all, he'd invested an awful lot in me over the years and now here I was spending my time and energy in a field entirely unrelated to the commercial construction business.

Cairo, tail end of Arab Spring, researching The Shroud Key

But I was happy. I was a young man who no longer wanted to die. Quite the opposite in fact. I had begun the inevitable process of springing myself from a trap I'd willingly set for myself...the same sort of trap many men and women never free themselves from until it's far too late.   

I was a real writer now, and I was in the game.

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What I Feared the Most

This time of year is a bit strange for me in several ways, not the least of which is the anniversary of my split with my second wife. This happened 9 years ago, almost to the day. It was a rough time for me, for her, for our infant daughter, for my two sons from my first marriage.

I was in rough shape. After having had a successful run as a freelance journalist, having earned my MFA in Writing, having nailed my first quarter million dollar contract with a big NYC publisher, all within a period of 7 or 8 years, I found myself without any kind of writing job whatsoever, my hope of nailing a second book contract a pipe dream, and now, my second marriage to a woman I loved, most definitely on the rocks.

For years I blamed the publishing system. You know, if it hadn't been for their silly consolidations my editors wouldn't have been fired and I, along with a bunch of other writers, wouldn't have been shown the door, our only hope to start all over again. If they hadn't given me that big two book contract in the first place, I wouldn't have quit freelancing as a journalist and severed ties with my bosses. The hole I had dug all by myself, for myself...somehow it was all somebody else's fault when in fact it was my fault for not seeing the writing on the wall in the first place and for storing all my golden eggs in one basket that was riddled with holes.

You see, once you've been to the big time and enjoyed the accolades and the parties and the back pats, it's pretty damned hard to pick yourself up again from out of the gutter, and start all over. All you want to do instead is run and hide. You fear everything. The phone ringing, a knock on the door, dinner with friends. You know, friends who will ask you if you are "still writing."

You fear the bills coming in. You fear the hollowness in your wallet and in your heart. You fear that look on your wife's face that says, "We're broke. Why don't you pick up some kind of work?" You fear having to get a job. A real job. You fear having to become a nobody again, and you fear having to write your way out of a hole because you worked so damned hard at it the first time around, you're not sure you have the energy to do it all over again even if you haven't yet hit forty. 

Mostly what you fear is yourself.

My wife didn't want to have to ask me to leave, but she had no choice. As I stood inside my new small apartment, alone, feeling devastated, I knew I had no choice but to confront my worst fear. I sat down in front of my laptop, and I pushed all resistance aside, and I went to work writing the novel that would become Moonlight Falls. For better or for worse.

Nine years ago this week, I faced my worst fear, and it has made all the difference. 

The newly released 8th Episode in the Dick Moonlight PI Noir series: MOONLIGHT WEEPS

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Spanking: A Confession

Obviously, this girl has been very bad

I was just about fed up with the spanking debate that's tackled NFL football, in particular Adrian Peterson of the Minnesota Vikings who, in the wake of the Ray Rice-left-hook-to-finacee's-jaw debacle, was sidelined after it was learned he spanked his four-year old with a switch. Apparently spanking with a switch was enough to cause the child some bruising, which in and of itself is a little disturbing, especially now that so many football players have come to his defense stating that they too were spanked as kids with switches. Ouch!

I was spanked as a kid. But not with a switch. I wasn't beaten or punched or tossed out the door of a moving vehicle. But I was spanked. It seemed normal at the time because I can remember doing some really stupid things like ignoring my math homework for a couple of months which I most definitely did not do a second time after my dad learned about it and spanked me as a punishment (he took away my bedroom TV too which hurt a lot more). Lesson learned. And like my grandmother used to say, If God didn't want us to spank our children, he wouldn't have given them soft little bums.

Howard Kurtz at Fox News is reporting today that Chris Cuomo of CNN confessed to spanking his little boy. In fact, Cuomo goes a step further by saying he might have gotten too physical with the child on occasion and for this he is deeply apologetic and regretful. I would imagine that Chris, having grown up in an Italian American family, albeit a politically famous one, was also spanked. I can make that assumption since I too grew up in a mostly Italian American family. Italian dads, especially when overworked, can be real hotheads, myself included. It's also interesting to note that Cuomo and I attended the same private high school, The Albany Academy, where on more than one occasion I witnessed a teacher whalloping an out-of-line student. Prior to that, I attended a Roman Catholic grade school where I saw a blue habit-wearing nun literally punch the shit out of a bad kid. I remember the kid's name was David and I also remember that he was bully who tossed his weight around. That nun had a left hook that would have made Mike Tyson proud.

Later on, as I grew into adulthood, I was surprised to find that spanking would still play an important role in my life. Only this time, it wasn't as a punishment. It became a kind of fun thing to do behind closed doors with the girlfriend. A little spanking here and there could liven things up. Some of the spanks were far harder than they were when I was being punished but somehow, they felt way better.
Spanking added some real spice to an otherwise bland, foreplay-missionary sex-grab-me-a-beer-honey-while-your-up evening. And to be further honest, we'd inevitably have a good laugh over something that hurt so good.

For anyone who doesn't believe spanking should have a place in our adult lives think again. Check out these little online tidbit:

How to spank: Sensual spanking tips and tricks

Did you know that spanking a child is illegal in Germany, but spanking your girlfriend (or she spanking you), is entirely encouraged. I'm all for outlawing spanking with a switch. It seems a barbaric practice to me. But why then does a little light spanking with a leather whip between my sig other and myself seems so enticing?

Chris Cuomo shouldn't be so hard on himself. He should learn from his mistakes and embrace the other side of spanking. Adrian Peterson might do the same. Certainly, Ray Rice needs to learn that punching your fiancee out in an elevator is an act that deserves a spanking, but not the good kind.

Cracked.com reports that even famous geniuses like TE Lawrence of Arabia liked to be spanked. So did Percy Grainger, and so did Declaration of Independence inspiration, Jean-Jacques Rousseau.  Can you just picture the scene: "That spanking was positively Rousseauvian in delivery, darling!"

The famous actors Jack Nicholson and Sharon Stone like to be spanked. Okay, I'm making that up, but they seem like the type, don't they? I know that, given the opportunity, I'd spank Sharon Stone. Wouldn't you? Even my serial PI-with-a-piece-of-bullet-in-his-brain, Dick Moonlight, likes a good spanking now and then. But then when it comes to sex, he's most definitely a player.

I guess in the end, what it all comes down to is this: The world is filled with too much spanking, and not enough spanking.

Get the spankin' new Vincent Zandri release from Down & Out Books, MOONLIGHT WEEPS!

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West African Aid Worker Killings No Surprise

Voodoo mural I caught with my Canon: Benin bush country

It's being reported that eight or more aid workers and journalists have been brutally killed inside what's described as a remote village in Guinea, West Africa. The deaths are apparently the result of a toxic distrust amongst locals for the foreign presence in their land. The distrust seems to be spreading as fast if not faster than the Ebola virus itself. However tragic and disturbing, this comes as no surprise.

A few years ago I traveled to West Africa to report for RT on the work of a Christian hospital ship that was docked in the Port of Cotonou in Benin beside civil-war torn Nigeria. What struck me as strange was the way the indigenous people refused and even ran from the methods by which the ship's medical crew attempted to educate them in the ways of western hygiene. Fliers were distributed with simple illustrations showing a human being defecating into a toilet. The next illustration would show a pair of hands being washed with soap and water. Said drawings would then be circled in bold green as if to indicate, "Good."

Stuck in a swamp. The man in red was convinced I had killed many men due to a leather bracelet I wore.

Below those drawings might be the same drawing of the person defecating, only this time he or she would be doing it in a field. A red circle would surround that drawing as if to indicate bad. But to a native living in West Africa, crapping on a toilet that other people use is the most disgusting and unsanitary concept ever thought up. Better to go find your own "clean" spot of grass and do your business there. Never mind that the waste then filters into the water system. Such are the challenges of culture and geography.

One such challenge is distrust. The coast of West Africa used to be known as the Slave Coast. It's where most of the slaves who were shipped to the Americas and to points south came from. Out of this practice grew the belief in Voodoo which is still extremely prevalent in West African nations like Guinea and Liberia where Ebola is spreading fast. Many natives will practice Christianity or Islam during the daytime hours, but at night, revert back to voodoo beliefs. If something terrible like a bad debt or lack of food, or a sickness like Ebola strikes these people, chances are the effected person will believe that he has not become the victim of bad luck or a deadly virus, he will believe instead that he has become the target of bad voodoo. When foreign aid workers come to help, many natives are so frightened of them they feel they have no choice but to lash out, and even destroy the very people who are trying to cure their disease. To some locals, the foreign aid workers are doing the work of bad voodoo.

Stilt village built to keep out slave traders

It's difficult to change what amounts to an ancient culture in just a few days in the interest of stopping the spread of what is now a serious epidemic. But if you ever have the chance to drive a 4x4 through the bush country of West Africa, do not be surprised when you come upon an old abandoned town that might have been constructed by the French many decades ago. Or don't be surprised when you see the shell of a modern skyscraper that might have been under construction two or three years ago, but that's been abandoned while the money for the project is now lining some corrupt official's pockets. Don't be surprised if you see the natives giving you a strange look because you're stepping inside a porta-potty to relieve yourself. To them, nothing is more disgusting and distrustful.

The toll of ebola

Get the whole story behind the Guinea aid worker and journalist killings HERE.  

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Gotham Commute Climbs Sky High

Who wouldn't want to ride on this?

Anyone familiar with riding the subways in New York City knows how overcrowded they can be, especially during the morning and evening commutes. But now a new green solution is taking the rush hours to the air in what’s being called the East River Skyway. According to planners, the high-speed gondola would connect Brooklyn with Manhattan’s Lower East Side and be capable of transporting up to 5,000 people, per hour, both ways. It would also be a great way for tourists to get a sky-view of the Big Apple both during the day and at night when it’s electrified and illuminated. Future plans call for all the boroughs to be connected.

Says the Vox: The Skyway would be a safe, cheap, quick, and fun way to get around Gotham. This is a win/win for NYC...

Check out the way cool East River Skyway website HERE

Radical Islam's Long Planned Murder

No one likes to be the bearer of bad news. Certainly our President doesn't like to issue bad news. In fact, he'd rather retreat from it to the golf course, or downplay the severity of an international crisis by referring to something like ISIS as the "JV team" or even in recent weeks, refusing to call them what they are: Radical Muslims.

When the embassy in Benghazi was attacked two years ago, it was President Obama and then Secretary of State Hillary Clinton who dismissed all evidence of an organized attack by Radical Muslims, and instead blamed the murder of several innocent American diplomats and military personnel on an anti-Islamist video that was circulating YouTube (in other words, he was blaming America). It was of course, a lie perpetrated by liars, and an absurd one at that. 

Now, we have ISIS, a Radical Islamist State or Caliphate, that is not only beheading innocent men, women, and children at will, they are building up an army that is closing in on 50K strong. They are also funding their operations with stolen oil reverses to the tune of $3 million per day. At present they are recruiting some of the world's most talented computer hackers in order to wage a cyber war with the west.

In the meantime, we have a major domestic problem in the form of two porous borders, both north and south. Just last week a reporter dressed in a Bin Laden costume casually walked across the southern border into the United States. Yet, the present administration is refusing to do anything about this lack of security in fear of losing their voter base come November and ultimately in 2016. Some naysayers will argue this point by saying, we have the largest police presence ever stationed on the borders, while others will say it's impossible to build walls that large. I say, declare a State of Emergency to exist on both borders, establish a formidable military presence, and in the meantime, engage in the aggressive deportation of the 11 million known illegals presently shacking up in this country while revoking the passports and student visas of questionable aliens. Yes, this will take a toll on the Democrats and their voting base, but national security shouldn't be a political issue determined by professional politicians.

When I think about this administration in years to come, I won't see the dismembered head of journalist James Foley resting on his own torso in the unforgiving desert sun. I will instead see Obama's smiling face as he went golfing only minutes after addressing reporters about the barbarous act of murder and war. A display of unimaginable disinterest if not callousness from a man who refuses to lead and who seems particularly bent on dismantling the US as a world power.

Two years remain in this Presidency and in terms of national security, they will be our most vulnerable and most dangerous since the outbreak of WWII. Here's a sampling of what we can expect:

--An attack on our homeland that will come in the form of a dirty bomb, or even a crude nuclear device.
--An all out cyber attack that will severely injure our power grid, delete bank accounts, dismantle our communications systems, and more.
--Attacks by Radical Islamists in Europe where military might has largely been depleted due to the costs of socialism and socialist programs.
--Attacks on the world's transportation systems, including trains and planes.
--Meanwhile, Russian, China, and other regimes who have already taken advantage of a weak, if not dangerously inept President, will make their moves in order to grab what they can while the taking is good.

This is not to be alarmist, but it is a reality that all of us are going to have to deal with one way or another. Like Hemingway said of the Nazis and their power grabs of the late 1930s, "A world war is certainly coming. It's like a long planned murder." And that's what is presently happening right before our eyes: a long planned murder by barbarians who dress in black, fly the black banner of Radical Islam, and who have one goal and one goal only: to administer the total destruction of the Judeo-Christian establishment, Europe, and the United States of America.

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Curious Conversation About 'Eat, Pray, Love'

Eat, Pray, Escape ... The movie...

The other day someone asked me what immediately comes to mind when I imagine my life from this day forward (I'm not going to get into the circumstances of who asked me and why, so just bear with me). I immediately responded by saying something along the lines of, "writing, traveling, eating, drinking...At the end of the day, my sig other and I head out for some red wine and a nice dinner under a moonlit night somewhere in Italy, or France, or South America, or..." well, you get the picture.

The woman who asked me the question assumed a kind of sour puss, shook her head, said, "Eat, Pray, Love...That's you. I hated that book."

I said, "I read it, and I liked it." Me, smiling, like, lighten up already.

She said, "Selfish. The writer of that book gave up everything so she could pursue only what she wanted in life."

I said, "But it's her life. The only one she's got. Maybe she gave up what she didn't want anymore, so that she could gain the world."

The woman shook her head once more, checked the time on her wristwatch, then quickly changed the subject.

THE SHROUD KEY is fast approaching its first 10K sold. Get yours now!

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