Friday, October 30, 2009

1,990 Pages of The Doctor Can't See you Now



"I want you to scream 'Health Care!' for me later. Really, scream it, baby!"



Nancy Pelosi's new 1,990 page health care bill weighs far more than most of the sick newborn to five year old's who are going to have to wait in a big long line with their parents to receive health care. Who the hell is really going to read it much less grasp its nuances, numerous caveats, rules, stipulations, calculations and whatever the hell else it contains? If I were a law maker I'd just fake it and say, "Oh yeah, I read the whole thing, cover the cover." In any case, I know this sounds like I'm not supporting socialized health care (which a freelance writer most definitely should do!), but then I'm not in bed with the rip off insurance companies either. I'm just me: suspect of both the government and the big business companies telling me what health care I can receive and can't. BTW: do you think the bill will cover another one of Nancy's tummy tucks?

Thursday, October 29, 2009

BREAKING: Afghanistan Hindu Kush Region Rattled by Earthquake!







Afghanistan's Hindu Kush region
was rattled by an earthquake just moments ago that has registered 6.0 on the Richter Scale. The quake has was felt in Chitral, Pakistan, some 130 miles away. The Hindu Kush region is notorious for its violent earthquakes.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Dick Cheney Comes to Cousin BO's Rescue?







Will the real Dick please get it up!


So Dick Cheney is now helping Bo out with his Afghanistan ah, well let's call it, conundrum. However, Cheney, who a few days ago received the "Keeper of the Flame" award by the Center for Security Policy, accused his 8th cousin (Yup Bo and Dick are cousins. Go figure!)of "dithering" on Afghanistan during his speech upon accepting his award...Hey, wait just one cotton-pickin' minute here Dick man. Didn't you and Jr. sort of ignore the Afghan thing for like 7 years? Look who's calling the kettle, er ah, the President, black (please excuse the pun, Bo). Ok, the good thing about having a head that won't turn completely around is you can only look over your shoulder for so long before you have to look ahead again. We welcome any kind of bipartisan effort that will aide the ground troops fighting in Afghanistan. On the other hand, if the fight isn't worth the cause, then we welcome a swift pullout. The point is, let's get something going Bo and Dick!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Don't Pay Attention to the Polls BO





I'm gonna get crushed for this but the UK's Telegraph is reporting that BO's recent rating decline is the worst for any American president in 50 years. Don't yell at me, I'm just telling you like it is...apparently. I'm old enough to recall the Carter catastrophe years and if this was a game of Trivial Pursuit, I would have picked the ex-peanut farmer when posed the question, Which American President tanked the fastest? Okay, polls suck, I know, but hopefully BO can manage to salvage something out of the fire-bombed Dresden that George Jr. left behind. BO said it wasn't going to be easy and thus far his prediction is holding true. Stay strong BO. The polls can only go up.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

BO Knows Health Care Propaganda?



Pelosi, Tenacious House Speaker


Is BO's White House using propaganda as a means for getting the average Jane and Joe to side with comprehensive health care reform? Apparently the Dept. of Health and Human Services website now features a button where you can "state your support" for the radical health care bill. Is the move legal? Not by a long shot. Or so says bill supporter Nancy Pelosi. It was only back in 2005 that the House Speaker decried such "underhanded tactics...not worthy of our democracy."




Goebels, evil master of propaganda


After all, how did the Nazi's get the German public all lathered up into a frenzy so heated, they viewed world domination a German obligation? Propaganda! So what will it be Nancy and BO? Are we obligated to press that button? Or do we choose not to be swayed by our government?

Monday, October 19, 2009

BO Knows Pot!





BO knows pot.
That's not a knock, but let's face it, he ain't even hit 50. He's likes to smoke cigs, drink some beers, play cards, shoot hoops. He's got a hot wife who looks like she could be a "player" (no dis intended to the first lady), so I'm sure he's smoked a little pot in his day, maybe while kickin' the hackie sack with some buds in the college common. What some more conservative paranoid people will no doubt view as BO's decision to have the feds lay off medicinal pot smokers as the first step towards a heroin addicted nation, is actually a progressive move to be applauded by the new president. Anyone close to anyone who suffers or has suffered from cancer knows that anything that can lighten the pain burden is a Godsend. Maybe Afghanistan is a mess and people are still being blown to smithereens in Iraq, but when it comes to going up in smoke, BO has made the right decision. GO BO!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Can We Win in Afghanistan?





Is our adventure in Afghanistan becoming more dangerous? This month we've seen 25 American servicemen killed and/or more maimed and Halloween is still two weeks away. The escalation in violent death is causing the Obama administration to reconsider its role in the area, despite the fact that the Taliban is growing stronger. Next year we'll be in the region as long as the Russians were during their failed, 1979-1988 Soviet-Afghan War, which lasted 9 miserable years. Back then, we referred to that war as the Soviet Vietnam, which reminds me of that famous quote about leaders not remembering the mistakes of the past being doomed to repeat them. Can we win in Afghanistan? And if so, what constitutes a win? Will the Taliban ever raise their white flags from out of their caves? Are we ever going to find the gigantic Osama Bin Laden? Lots of questions, but no real answers.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Falcon's Dad's Daring Day





Okay, the boy in the silver, flying saucer-shaped balloon had been hiding out in the garage or the attic or somewhere at home after all. Gee, big surprise. Looks like he was afraid his dad might yell at him or worse for tampering with the balloon. Anyway, that's the story. But America loves a "reality" drama and I'm beginning to smell a stinky hoax here that kept America captivated for an entire afternoon. We all assumed that poor little six year old Falcon (no pun) had been carried aloft in storm/twister-chaser dad's cutting edge designed storm-chaser balloon only to lose his precious little life when he dropped a couple thousand feet to the Colorado terra firma. Splat! A still photo was even broadcast on CNN that showed a boy-shaped object falling from the faux-UFO. But all our demented hopes and hungry advertiser's dreams were, well, deflated when the boy was discovered alive and well and hiding out in the attic. You should have seen the look on Wolf Blitzer's face when he first discovered the truth. His closely cropped beard was covered in sweat. And here the master of German disaster had planned on reporting on the Arctic ice that's expected to disappear next summer. You know, something important and worthwhile. Jeeze, can you just picture old Wolf screaming at his producer, demanding to know "Who's running the fucking show here people?" Anyway, I'm sure some slimy New York agent is already putting together the "Falcon and Family" storm chaser reality TV show, which is what Falcon's pretty boy dad wanted in the first place when he staged this hoax. I mean, did you check out how nicely done up his hair was? Wow, how handsome! Did you catch his comment about going weak in the knees? I mean, even if he didn't plan a hoax and simply "lost" his son for the afternoon, this blog still screams, "Hey Falcon's dad, are you an asshole or what?"

Up, Up and Away in my Experimental Balloon






A six year old boy who somehow managed to get himself inside the cargo space of a silver, experimental balloon is believed to be sailing over the rugged Colorado landscape. While some experts believe the boy has already fallen out due to the erratic flight characteristics of the balloon, others believe the boy is still trapped inside it. Word up is that the National Guard may be called up to follow the balloon and perhaps figure a way to safely bring it down without shooting it down. This blog begs the question, how in the hell was a child able to get inside that thing unnoticed? Get the up to date story and video here!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

BO Knows Peace?




Handy work of the animals the Nobel Peace Prize Laureate must Deal with...peacefully?



Oslo-The Norwegian Nobel committee has announced that President Barack Obama has been named the recipient of this year's coveted Nobel Peace Prize. Not surprisingly, news of the committee's choice has sent shock waves throughout Washington, DC and the world. It's also left most people scratching their heads wondering if Obama, only 9 months into his presidency, is yet qualified to receive the honor. While his willingness to negotiate with international leaders on matters ranging from missile defense shields, to Guantanamo Bay, to climate change already far outshines George Bush Jr., the results of his efforts have yet to be realized. But he does get an A+ for trying so hard. But a Nobel? What this blog needs to ask however, is this: now that he's been bestowed the top peace prize in the world, how will Barack feel about doing some serious Van Damage on the Taliban and Al Qaeda? What about those pesky Iranians bent on destroying Israel before setting their sights on world domination? What about North Korea? Our advice for BO? Graciously accept your prize, then shove it in the closet for the next 3 years. You're going to have to make some tough heartbreaking decisions regarding the violent destruction of key enemy targets and even more tough decisions about sending more of America's youth into combat. The free world will depend upon these often not so peaceful-like decisions. BO must know peace, but BO also must know how to kick ass.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Jacko's Island





Michael Jackson will be appearing in Dubai soon. Make no mistake about it, the late pop singer is to become immortalized in the form of a 25km island to be constructed along the shoreline. According to rumors concerning the top three design ideas currently being mulled by developers, the shape of the newly created seaside landmass will likely mimic the moonwalk Jacko made so famous in his "Thriller" and other music videos. Says one proposed designer, the island will create "thousands of opportunities for Jackson's legacy to inspire new …leisure and entertainment centers in a variety of settings." Come on, kids, let's go to Dubai!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

H1N1 is the Real Deal






Anyone under the impression the H1N1 "Swine Flu" isn't real had better get a grip. People aren't just becoming infected, they are dying. And this is only the beginning.
RT's "Dangerous Dispatches" has the story.