Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Hitler Lives...Well, Sort of....

Did Hitler really manage to fake his suicide in April of 1945?
Newly uncovered evidence in Russia proves that what was originally thought to be mortal skeletal remains of the madman dictator are really that of a young woman.
According to the history books, on the night of 30 April 1945, Uncle Adolf and his newly wed wife, Eva Braun, popped a couple of cyanide pills a piece before blowing their own brains out. Hitler had always feared being captured by the Russians and the only honorable way out, or so he professed, was by taking his own life. In doing so he would deny his enemy the same enjoyment Mussolini's enemies had when they strung him up by piano wire--alive! The suicides complete, the bodies of Herr Hitler and bride of Hitler were then wrapped in blankets, carried outside the bunker doors, drowned in gasoline and torched.
But the recently uncovered evidence suggests that the Austrian born F├╝hrer und Reichskanzler managed to skip town altogether, perhaps spending his final years in a cozy Argentine condo.
So much for rough justice.
Now that just about anyone who ever had contact with the mass murderer are dead or fast on their way, the conspiracy theorists are sure to have a field day with this one. And Israel will no doubt be looking for blood. Can you blame them?
What should we expect next? Evidence that Hitler was the JFK shooter behind the fence on the grassy knoll?

Monday, September 28, 2009

All the News that's Fit to Blog!

A newsprint writer colleague of mine recently posted a message to FB friends about "buying a newspaper" for the sake of supporting his income. A little like asking a friend to climb aboard the sinking Titanic to help "bail." In any case, I ran into said colleague's boss (the editor in chief)some weeks later. I asked him how he was doing and he put it thusly: "Not bad for a dinosaur working in a dying business." My new book comes out in Kindle and paperback. I wonder if this is my last book to be printed...Here's what's happening to those old high glossy travel mags we all used to love. Click here.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

A New Cig to Jones For

Hey, there's a new brand of cig on the market. It's called the electronic cigarette. It apparently emits no smoke and is therefore not a hazard to those persons occupying the same piece of earth as you. Instead of smoke, the tobacco and "flavoring" filled electronic cancer stick produces a vapor that seeps into your lungs and bloodstream. Might make a neat stocking stuffer for the kids or your local crack addict. But at least now you can have "no mess, easy clean up" text sex followed by a clean electronic smoke. Jeepers, what will they make you Jones for next?

Saturday, September 26, 2009

September 26, 2009

Road Rage All the Rage

Ever been the victim of road rage? Maybe you cut some red neck trucker off by accident and he came after you with his middle finger raised high and his big mouth bellowing obscenities. Maybe all truckers should be crushed under the weight of their own semis. Who knows. But in this "Dangerous Dispatch," you'll get the true scoop on a spooky road rage incident with a strange twist. Click here to get the story.

Pond Scum: the Lowest Form of Life becomes the Hottest Trend in Bio-Fuels

Construction of oil refineries just might be giving way to the building of “vertical ponds,” or what’s rapidly becoming known in green circles as pond scum algae producing greenhouses. Considered one of the most efficiently produced “magic bullet” bio-fuels of the new century, algae, can be harvested inside a far smaller geographic area than that required of other alternative fuels like corn-based ethanol. But what’s really cool about that “lowly pond scum?” You can also drink it.

September 26, 2009

From Hero to Zero

New York Football Giant great Plaxico Burress made the mistake of his career when he carried a hand-cannon into a NYC nightclub. When the usually steady-handed receiver fumbled the piece, it went off. Plax, didn't your mom ever tell you not to play with guns indoors? Anyway, the former Giant will now be suiting up on the prison football team. Word on the street is that Hollywood is interested in filming a reality-slash-"The Longest Yard" type series. No doubt Burt Reynolds will make a return as the crusty old QB....

Check out the mug shot here:

Thursday, September 24, 2009

September 24, 2009

H1N1 Duct Cleaning Scams on the Rise

With many public facilities the world over scrambling to prevent the spread of the H1N1 flu strain, companies that specialize in “duct cleaning” are reaping the benefits of the rather grim economic windfall. But how can you be sure the company of your choosing is reputable and in fact, not ripping you off? In this report, one such “duct cleaning” company gets exposed for what it’s really doing: “cleaning out your wallet.”    

See for yourself:

September 24, 2009

Note to self:  don't build a fucking house in California.

Click here to see why: