Wednesday, October 19, 2011

In the Fall of the Year. Or, The Path Not Taken


"Do I go right or left?"



My brief ten day hiatus from the blogosphere is now officially over. My thanks to the guest bloggers who more than took up the slack. You enabled me to get through the new draft of BLUE MOONLIGHT (the sequel to the newly released MOONLIGHT RISES) while offering some sage advice on writing, marketing, and just living the literary life in this the digital age.

I'm calling this "In the Fall of Year..." because even though Fall is my favorite season by far, it seems always to accompany serious change in my life and in some cases, downright turmoil. Maybe the Fall is actually no different from any other season, but that it just seems more intense since this is the time when I am at my most creative. What did Hemingway once say about the Fall: That's the time when real writers put pen to paper. But I also think it has something to do with the proximity of death in that whole the Fall-leads-to-Winter notion of the idea.

Since my return from Europe in September I've realized several ends and even more beginnings. As for the former, my relationship with my girlfriend came to an final end, and as for the former, my son Harrison was able to take his GED exam (he assumes he passed). Now he can begin his work as a writer and video game designer in earnest. Such are his plans. His brother Jack will turn 21 in two weeks, and it will certainly be interesting, to say the least, to view my son as an adult, rather than a kid. While my brief foray into the world of independent publishing comes not to a full closure, but rather that of a transition back into traditional publishing, I find myself at a cross-roads.

Do I remain in Albany, and continue to forge ahead with a life here? Or, at 47, do I look for a new place to begin again? Even if it's only thirty miles away. Final destination possibilities abound inside my skull like those steel ball-bearings that bounce against the insides of a spray paint can. At one minute I'm thinking New York City while the very next, I'm thinking Florence, Italy, full-time. Both are expensive these days, so I'm also thinking somewhere out west like Boise, but then I'll look at a small Hudson River town not far south from where I live now and I think, Yah, that's the ticket...Small town living while remaining in the general proximity of Manhattan and just 6 hours to Europe. 

Whether I move or not, the point is not location, but transition. We all need to recognize when our entire being requires a tune-up and the best time for that is during these transitional phases. Who wants to be that fat guy sitting on the couch watching reality TV with a beer in hand chanting, "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda...?"

Well, first of all I don't watch reality TV and second of all, I don't even own a TV any longer. But as we age, life becomes a slippery slope, and next thing you know, you've just spent the airline ticket money on a new LCD and a satellite hookup. Welcome to soft middle age.

This has been one of the best years of my life in terms of career, creativity, travel, and attempting to piece together this life that I have stubbornly built for myself. The transition isn't over yet by a long shot. But sooner than later, I will be forced to make a few hard decisions and once their made, I'm going to have to stick to them.

Now that's the scary part about life. Sticking to your decisions once you've made them.

To be continued...
   

3 comments:

  1. No matter what there will always be the "Shoulda, coulda, woulda." It's just part of life. One of the best lines I've ever heard was~ "The only way to lead a good life, is to act on one's emotions. It's the closest you can come to not having any regrets."

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know what Dave Ramsey says...you make your best decisions in life and finance in your 50's. You also know that Boise would welcome you with warm arms and loving support but no matter where you go all we want is your happiness.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh, the choices to be made. Keep us posted, as we are all interested in how you come to your decisions. There are so many wonderful communities in which to plant your roots...tough to choose just one.

    ReplyDelete