Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Hitler Lives...Well, Sort of....

Did Hitler really manage to fake his suicide in April of 1945?
Newly uncovered evidence in Russia proves that what was originally thought to be mortal skeletal remains of the madman dictator are really that of a young woman.
According to the history books, on the night of 30 April 1945, Uncle Adolf and his newly wed wife, Eva Braun, popped a couple of cyanide pills a piece before blowing their own brains out. Hitler had always feared being captured by the Russians and the only honorable way out, or so he professed, was by taking his own life. In doing so he would deny his enemy the same enjoyment Mussolini's enemies had when they strung him up by piano wire--alive! The suicides complete, the bodies of Herr Hitler and bride of Hitler were then wrapped in blankets, carried outside the bunker doors, drowned in gasoline and torched.
But the recently uncovered evidence suggests that the Austrian born F├╝hrer und Reichskanzler managed to skip town altogether, perhaps spending his final years in a cozy Argentine condo.
So much for rough justice.
Now that just about anyone who ever had contact with the mass murderer are dead or fast on their way, the conspiracy theorists are sure to have a field day with this one. And Israel will no doubt be looking for blood. Can you blame them?
What should we expect next? Evidence that Hitler was the JFK shooter behind the fence on the grassy knoll?

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